I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
