I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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