i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
