I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
