Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
