Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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