we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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