Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
