Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
