I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
