I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
