She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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