the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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