Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My life is pants optional.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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