Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Randomize
