oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Drake has all the answers
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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