Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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