Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
