how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
