Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
