i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
