Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize