I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
