Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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