I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
