I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
