He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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