life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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