I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
