Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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