So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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