and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize