so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
