at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
