If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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