It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
