well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
