I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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