No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I bet he comes in French.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
