you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
