I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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