It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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