If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
