I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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