dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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