Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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