mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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