What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
