so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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