Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
