from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
