I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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