The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Randomize
