I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
