Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
did you just send me my own nude
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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