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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
