just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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