I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
