i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
