I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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