How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
