apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
