I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
