Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They took my balls.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize