I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Pooping to opera.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
