Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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