What tipped you off? The sombrero?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
