I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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